i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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