i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
How naked do you want me to be?
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