Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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