he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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