Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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