Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
