just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
