I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
