..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
