No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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