i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
