so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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