Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
