You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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