Banned from zoo.
Again?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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