Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
