When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
