I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
