so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
