I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
