dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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