i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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