Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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