Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
