so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
