Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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