Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
