Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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