Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
