Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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