guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
