I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
