I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I CAN MOONWALK!
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
