Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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