This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
