What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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