I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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