I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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