dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
