I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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