She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Four minutes until I can fart!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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