Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
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He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
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One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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