I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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