Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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