Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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