I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
