I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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