could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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