Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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