Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I could fuck to npr.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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