just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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