so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
