U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Hippo gnu deer
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
A+ Viking dick
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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