fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
