so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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