Non-Jews are for practice
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
