It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
