You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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