Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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