guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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