I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
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I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
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Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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