Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
