He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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